Wednesday, July 4, 2012

47

the comedian asked me questions from across the room
the comedian asked me questions because I have a vagina
vaginas seemed sparse in the room
vaginas were sparse in the room because the comedian
has a certain attitude towards them, perhaps
he asked me if I’ve made out with my best female friend
I relentlessly disappointed him with each answer I gave
he asked me about my earrings
I said “they’re owls”
he said "i thought they were slinky's"
i said "i'm sorry to disappoint you"
when I first walked into the room everyone cheered and laughed towards me
and I found out it was because the comedian said that
beautiful women were going to be arriving for him at any moment
and then I walked in
it was poorly timed, my arrival
the comedian made a joke about "fucking aids into" a woman 
the comedian made a joke about beautiful women being whores
who have bad personalities
and when people weren't wild about it he clarified that women, too,
believe that beautiful women are whores with bad personalities
and then the crowd laughed and loosened up
as if misogyny is justified if women partake in it
as if it can't be misogyny if women partake in it
as if women aren't misogynists
I drank water at the bar and thought about your birthday
we didn’t really hug goodbye as much as hold goodbye
do you remember that you kissed my neck twice in the goodbye hold
at the long table full of everyone we know
you were very drunk and I was very tired and somewhat drunk
I hope you like the cd I made for you
the comedians made lots of jokes about pedophilia
another comedian made a rape joke
the joke was that on a first date he asks his date if she wants to "play the rape game"
and the joke is that she plays whether or not she wants to
I guess that was the joke
basically the joke was that he rapes on the first date
basically the joke was that he's a rapist
and I wanted to take the mic stand and run it through his dick
and watch his dick burst around the mic stand
and I wanted this to happen to uproarious applause
because violence would be the answer, or something
then the comedian pointed out a female comedian in the audience
and he said he would fuck the sixteen year old version of her
if there was no "grass" on the "lawn"
he was talking about pubic hair
and if this happens to me ever at an open mic
I will just freak out
and I will alienate myself by being that angry feminist
that nobody thinks is funny
because she can't take a joke
about how fuckable she is if she removes all her pubic hair
and isn't 25
because she can't take a joke
about how she is a body first and foremost
"this," I thought, "is an obstacle"
as I left the bar
and walked home 

3 comments:

  1. this makes me feel really terrible for liking comedians like louie ck and others who do say horrible things about women. i guess i think it's funny because people in general are horrible, all sexes, because, they are people. so i usually am disgusted but not surprised and just have to laugh at the poor shmuck who we can be certain has a very insignificant penis and has never really been loved. i'm sure he should be crucified by his tiny dick and hopefully cancer filled balls.

    in other words, i love your work. it's okay to be the angry feminist. just try to channel that anger into man killing comedy. :) it already makes for some beautiful poetry.

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  2. thought of this when i read about daniel tosh's bizarro rape-threat-joke story

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